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Running out of Fuel
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas.
At that very moment, a bee flew in through his window. 
The bee said, ´What seems to be the problem?´
´I´m out of gas,´ the man answered.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away.
Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. A few minutes later, the bees flew out.
´Try it now,´ said one bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up..
´Wow!´ the man exclaimed. ´What did you put in my gas tank´?
The bee answered, 
Wait for it.. Wait for it..
You´re just gonna love this.. 
Don´t Mess with Mature Ladies
A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Traffic Cop: Yes ma´am, I´m afraid you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don´t have one.
Traffic Cop: Don´t have one?
Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Traffic Cop: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can´t do that.
Traffic Cop: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Traffic Cop: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Traffic Cop: You what!?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to seeThe traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma´am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma´am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The traffic cop is quite stunned.
Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license quizzically.
Officer 2: Thank you ma´am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn´t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!
Older Woman: Bet the lying so and so told you I was speeding, too.
Don’t Mess with Mature Ladies!
The Wheels of Life
Tarmac
A piece of black tarmac and a piece of green tarmac are sat in the pub and they´re both boasting about how hard they are.
"I´m blatantly harder than you" says the green tarmac "I´m a bus lane!".
"No way" says the black tarmac, "I´ve got TWO lanes, a central reservation AND a hard shoulder! I´m so much harder than you!!".
The next thing, a piece of red tarmac walks in the pub and the black tarmac and the green tarmac hide under the table. The red tarmac walks over to the bar, orders himself a drink knocks it back and has a look around. Unimpressed, the red tarmac gets up and leaves. Sheepishly, the black tarmac and the green tarmac climb out from under the table.
"What was that about?" asked the barman.
"Ya don´t wanna mess with him" said the black tarmac "He´s a cyclepath!"
Running out of Fuel
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas.
At that very moment, a bee flew in through his window.
The bee said, ´What seems to be the problem?´
´I´m out of gas,´ the man answered.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away.
Minutes lat
er, the man watched as an entire swarm of beesflew to his car and into his gas tank.
A few minutes later, the bees flew out.
´Try it now,´ said one bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up..
´Wow!´ the man exclaimed. ´What did you put in my gas tank´?
The bee answered,
Wait for it.. Wait for it..
You´re just gonna love this..